


I wanna be the hands

by ClaireMorgan



Series: Open Again [3]
Category: Suspiria (1977), Suspiria (2018)
Genre: Canon Lesbian Relationship, Canon Queer Character, F/F, Lesbian Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-12
Updated: 2018-12-12
Packaged: 2019-09-17 01:17:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16964982
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ClaireMorgan/pseuds/ClaireMorgan
Summary: In the room of mirrors, Madame Blanc helps Suzie practice her jumps. But what happens after that?





	I wanna be the hands

\- Sometimes I only need to be told twice… 

She smiled. My legs were killing me, I was sweating and felt a bit dizzy. But, for mysterious reasons, it was a sweet dizziness. I smiled back. 

And it is at that moment that I really looked at her. It seemed like before that night I had only seen her as some bodiless entity, a spiritual being, goddess even, and not a physical, carnal one. But this time I took a few seconds, that may have become minutes, hours, days. Time lost its track when I started to observe the details of her persona; her long, dark hair, falling straight on her shoulders and back, made her look even taller than she already was; her face was pale, just like mine, and I asked myself why she mentioned it a few days ago, since on that front we looked the same.

She was not beautiful, I noticed. She was coarse. Her ears were almost elfic, her nose was long, sharp as a blade, her lips were thin, always sealed I reckoned, except now. Her eyes were quite small, but stared at me with such intensity; no one had ever looked at me like that. Her teeth were small, but seemed tapered; I imagined her taking a bite out of my skin; the blood dripping on the floor, the pain rushing through my veins with the same energy her look conveyed, disturbing and shattering and orgasmic all at the same time. Her smile grew on her face, as she was reading my mind. And when I thought that, at that very second, I knew she could, and had. 

I finally moved my eyes away from her face; her heavy black dress covered most of her body, and I suddenly felt a rush to see what was under it. Before I could move, she took one step. 

And I did not let her talk, I did not let her come any closer, I simply started dancing again. I let my body slip to the ground; it was like each of my bones had broke with a dry sigh. But I did not feel any ache; it was more like a wildfire, burning and growing inside of me, until I realised that her hands were on me; she was standing, looking at me from above, her palms pressing my shoulders. From the floor, she seemed gigantic. I was at her total mercy, but did not really care. On her face, not the look of disgust some queens give their people, but more one of indulgence, goodwill. There was a sparkle in her eyes, though. I think I had it too. 

I pulled her dress in order to stand up. She did not falter; it was like her feet had melt to the ground. I raised on mine slowly, brushing my skin against hers, between the thick layers of fabric. 

Longing, craving for the poison of her presence, I was mesmerized by how she embodied the space, how she spilled like some viscious, bright fluid; an incarnation of radiance, containing both the love and the hate, the good and the bad of the whole human race. I wanted to be that kind of motherly might, just for a split second. I had that compelling but deleterious lust to give myself, to say “here, take all of me, savour my virtues and my flaws like bittersweet fruits. Suck on my vice as you would do on the root of existence. I just want a little crumb of that power in exchange” 

Her being here was not enough, I wanted her to be around, under, above, inside and out of me. I wanted to be empty so she could fill me up with whatever she felt like. 

“What am I doing”, I thought. “Who cares, really”; her voice, in my head. The clear, brittle accent. The roundness, the spiked edges; comforting, but aggressive. “This shouldn’t be”, I told myself. “This can’t be, but it is”. She probably chose not to answer that. 

Now we had been standing close for what felt like an eternity, but like every eternity, it passed in a second. I got closer, enough to feel her breath. It was cold, but not fresh; more like the heavy, humid cold of the first months of winter. 

Our lips were touching. I was not feeling anything. I took a step back; I had to find this rush, this undefinable emotion again. I took off my clothes, one by one, efficiently, looking at her in the eyes the whole time. Then my hands were on her chest, just like a few moments ago. “I wanna be the hands” The echo of my own voice came back to me, like an odd, delayed reverb. 

She tried to stop me, but I was faster; though maybe she was only playing with me. Her dress fell on the floor and we were the same; bare, raw, almost virginal in our whiteness. In a moment of panic, I realised I did not ask her if she wanted this too. 

\- Do you…  
\- Shhhhhh. 

 

Her fingers rested on my mouth, and I opened it to see what they tasted like, but she was quicker this time; her hand slipped from my neck, pressed on my spine with her thumb and stopped at the very bottom of it. 

\- Fuck me like you dance. 

This time she had spoken at loud, I was sure. I shivered. And then I surrendered to that irresistible instinct; a doll willingly obeying to her mistress. 

I kissed her fiercely, my hands on her hips. I pulled her closer; I wanted her tongue deeper in my mouth, I wanted to choke with it and die right there, and rest on that floor and rot. She would stay there for weeks; she would look at what had been me and smirk. 

I did not care if I still had any control over myself at that point. It was the first time I experienced such an absorbing thrill, and I would kill for it not to end. 

I stopped at that thought. “Kill?” Violence was never an inclination of mine; maybe because I had buried it out of sight, so close to my core that I got infected by it. 

I pushed her towards the ground; she fell roughly on her elbows and did not complain. I crawled on top of her, but I felt minuscule; it looked like her body took the whole floor of the room, while mine barely covered her stomach. 

\- I never done this before. 

I had whispered, with my lips brushing hers. But I did not dare to look her in the eyes. She took my chin in her hand and raised my face until I had no other choice but to do so. “A million times, you did. We did. Here and now, there is no before, there is no after. There is only us, a two-piece puzzle endlessly teared apart, but destined to unite again. You are what you’ve always been, as I am myself. I had possessed you and you were not even born; I was yours ever since the commencement”. Again, she had not open her mouth but the sound of her voice was as vivid. 

I sensed her words more than I really understood them, but I was shocked; a strong pulsation took over every cell of my body as I acquired briefly some acute clarity, a global, infallible vision. This is what it felt like to be them. 

She grabbed my hips and pinned me to the floor. It felt like I did not weight anything; just air she could manipulate, forge in her own desires. 

Now she was on top of me. A million needles in my chest; she was ripping my heart out of it with her tongue. 

Words stayed stuck in my throat when she got lower; only images, moments, brief sounds, flashes of light and colors at every wave of aching bliss. 

I saw reality : her eyes twirling around my lips when I had took her hands in mine. “No, it felt like fucking you”, my first thought when she asked if dancing felt like fucking a man. 

I saw dreams : thwarted, flask bodies, open wounds, pools of sour tasting blood; the oblivian void, the beginnings of the world. I saw a sky with no moon; secret rooms in the center of the Earth; I saw death’s fingers running all over my skin, her nails pegged in my belly, tearing pieces apart. 

I opened my eyes and saw that the fingers planted in my stomach were not death’s, it was hers; she was hanging on me, desperately almost, as she was holding me back so I did not fall. I looked down to see her head buried between my legs. 

She sensed my eyes on her; She looked up too, with a weird half-smile. For a second I saw her mouth full of blood, my blood; my body was shred in two and my organs were fully exposed. I felt naked. 

And then I came back, from some alternative reality, it seemed like. And she smiled more. I turned my eyes to the walls around; a hundred, a thousand of us reflected in the mirrors. We appeared like one distorted being; I was the head, and the chest, she was the rest of it. 

Our hair were scattered and blending on the wooden floor; deep, filthy brown strands, alongside rusty waves; fire and earth, lightning and dust. The beginning and the end. 

“A two-piece puzzle endlessly teared apart, but destined to unite again”

“Higher, higher, higher” Her voice, back from the past; centuries ago it seemed, resonated in my whole self. I had now blew up the ceiling. I was above the building, above the city, above the world. 

For a second I heard everything : the calm breath of the girls asleep upstairs, the creaking wood, the constant humming of the streets outside, bursts of laugh from an unknown corner, and screams. 

And all of a sudden all that noise resorbed; I understood that all this time I had been deaf, hearing everything except what was going on around me. Now I could really hear the silence of the room, disrupted only by our heavy sighs. 

Her head rested on my womb; pressing hard like she wanted to get inside of it. I could not see her face but I knew it had an air of divine serenity; the same I had. 

I then shuddered when truth struck me. She had Madame Blanc’s face but it was not her; I had that certainty only from some vague emotion, though I knew it was real. Without a word she revealed herself : she told me that this, here and now, was the beginning of everything. That we had created the world; that I was the mistress, the native force that I longed for. That I, and that we, were the source of all. From this union, the earth was born, and today it was born again.

 

Wieder Öffnen. Rebirth, I thought


End file.
